I don’t know any goat that’s 100% black or white or tan. Most of us are of mixed color, and proud of it. But I do know a few billies who are predominantly black, and I never understood how they could work at that racist place called ‘Maggie’s Farm.’ You know, it was ME who encouraged Bob Dylan to write a song about that lyin’, slave-drivin’ Maggie. I told him, I said, “Bob, the tune will fit right into your catalog of social injustice songs.”

But here’s what REALLY sticks in my cud: why would a goat like Stanley — with his beautiful, nearly all-black coat — not only WORK for Maggie, but stick his nose up her butt?? I don’t think he’s truly happy. He told me once, he said, “Mo, sometimes I get up in the morning and cross my hoofs and pray for rain.” Mags doesn’t care about him. In fact, I wouldn’t be surprised if she sold poor ‘ol Stan to ‘Donnie’s Butcher House’ once she’s finished using his landscape services. Look at him here, CAGED! Heed my words, capri-comrades: never follow or revere anyone who doesn’t give a damn about you.