By Donald J. Trump —“Dear Leader” and Emperor for Life

I stumbled upon this shit-hole blog one day while Googling hips — you know, HIPS — a big hunk of a dame’s body that’s just waiting to be grabbed. And I find this STUPID website called The Hip Quotient (what the hell is a quotient, anyway?) written by some socialist freak who worships musicians, artists and other weirdos — namely the Beatles. This Cult of Beatles thing has pissed me off since my draft-dodging bone-spur days, so I’ve decided to set the record straight once and for all by exposing all I know about those four FRAUDS from Liverpool. In fact, I’m so determined to change popular opinion of these HOMELY, tone-deaf guys that I offered the Dago-Wop writer of this FAKE-NEWS blog a million dollars to buy it so that I can publish my OWN tributes to FINE and TALENTED people like Kanye (who LOVES me, by the way). But she’s too stupid to accept my offer (says she “can’t be bought” or some BS), so I told Lindsey and Mitch to hire some ugly, pimple-faced nerds to hack her site so that I can shove MY true version of music history down your throats. Now let’s drain that rock-n-roll swamp!

Let’s start with Lennon, and his “all you need is love” garbage. I got more chicks than he EVER did, and I didn’t have to love ANYBODY! Oh, the holy, sacred Lennon. They only love him because he’s dead. Just like that whiny old Commie Bernie Sanders, Lennon was a closet follower of that Russian guy — what’s-his-name — Lenin, his entire life. In fact, Lennon was his namesake! He was as EVIL as they come. A VERY HORRIBLE person. Tricky Dicky Nixon spent years trying to deport him back to England. Oh, how I wanted to get Lennon AND that Chinese (or is it Japanese? Hell, they all look alike) WITCH Yucko out of MY New York. I shoulda beat that VERY FINE Mark David Chapman to the punch and shot ol’ Johnny Boy on 5th Avenue when I had the chance. (Come to think of it, I should PARDON Chapman!)

And that pretty-boy McCartney! Probably a fag. That hypocrite wasn’t even FROM Liverpool. He was the son of dumb-as-a-rock Schlomo Feinberg and the very NASTY Naija Adebisi. Dopey-eyed Paul was born in that shit-hole country called Niger and raised in a kibbutz full of UGLY women who were such LOSERS they couldn’t afford designer clothes like Ivanka’s! You probably don’t know that McCartney (like that LOSER Elizabeth Warren) once tried to appeal to a tribe of lazy, drunken Indians by claiming his great-great-great-grandmother was Pocahontas. Didn’t he know that those dopes never even HEARD of a record-player? Those redskins. All LOSERS in their smelly, groundhog-skin teepees. Lock ‘em up or send ‘em back to their own country.

And then there was skinny George Harrison, the so-called Spiritual One. Like me, he never read a holy book in his life, yet I understand he once had a backstage area tear-gassed to clear the way for a photo-op featuring him and that dirty-looking Maharishi guy waving peace flags. During his thankfully-short life he never paid taxes on Friar Park — that insanely ‘uge, historic (like, who cares?) house of his (not as big as MINE), which was once home to a bunch of fat, ugly nuns who NEVER got laid. Harrison might have been one of those lame loser-hippies, but I kinda admire him in a way. After all, he never had to answer for the hundreds of millions of dollars he owed to PR flaks who elevated him to the status of a mystic, or to the fixers who buried that story about him diddling Ravi Shankar’s illegitimate daughter in a Walmart dressing room. I only diddle (well, THEY call it rape) BEAUTIFUL white women — preferably Slavs, the younger the better — and only in high-class Manhattan stores like Bergdorf Goodman’s.

And what about that LOSER Ringo? I mean, who WAS that guy, anyway, and why did they call him a STAR? My good friend, the iconic Kid Rock (who, by the way, is FAR more talented than the Beatles), told me that Libtard-Hypocrite Lennon always called that dwarf boot-nose behind his back. (Hell, HIS insulting nicknames couldn’t hold a gold-plated candlestick to MINE!) My other good friend, the iconic Scott Baio, once said that even with that schnoz of his, ol’ shrimp-boy managed to get his share of the action, and he didn’t even have to pay for it. But then, the PIGGIES he shagged must have been UGLY and desperate if they did it for FREE…and with HIM!

I also hear that Midget-Man had quite a knack for poking p**sy with those drumsticks of his. Well, here’s a secret that only BIG LOSER Michael Cohen knew about: I once spent a small fortune on eBay to acquire those sticks, and I just KNOW that the young lady visitors to Mar-a-Lago are gonna LOVE bangin’ the skins with me. And speaking of Ted, he’s a very GREAT GUY. And he likes me very much. We exchange LOTS of love letters and he invites me over for Possum À La Mode. He shoots the rodents himself with an AK-47 and serves ’em up HOT, wearing a sexy French maid outfit.

You know, people have spread FAKE NEWS that I was a registered Democrat between 2001 and 2008. And that I donated $100,000 to the Clinton Foundation. And that that makes me a sissy and a WOKE Libtard. But, I’m SO SHREWD! I’ve changed political affiliations FIVE TIMES, because I know the Who, the When, the Why, and the How of mind-f**king the public. Hell, I wrote the BOOK on it, and it was the biggest selling book in HISTORY! You think Pinko Lennon wrote that song Mind Games? HA! It was ME! I’m the KING of the Mind Game.

So, enough about those four LOUSY musicians who meant absolutely NOTHING to anybody. It’s time to Come Together. Right Now. Over ME — not THEM. Because I’m never going away. So be afraid. Be very afraid. You can worship me out of fear, as long as you WORSHIP me! I’m gonna be stirring up some Helter Skelter the likes of which those ugly Limey hippie-moron-fairies never thought possible. MANSON-style Helter Skelter. Race War Helter Skelter. Class War Helter Skelter. And it’s gonna be ‘UGE!

Here’s a brilliant video from the insanely talented Klemen Slakonja, a Slovenian actor, singer, comedian, television host, and musician. It debuted on YouTube in 2016.